Never in a million years I would’ve thought I would bomb out of a meet (not complete a single lift). Seemed like something less qualified athletes would do…not an “elite” lifter like myself would ever have to experience… oh silly girl.. boy were you wrong.

Normally when I’m inspired to write the words just flow. This is a hard one for me…not sure where to begin and what direction to take.

Yesterday someone said “Everything in your life has been smooth and have come easily for you, you needed this bump in the road” I’m flattered that they think I’ve had an easy life but that statement is so far from the truth. Without a doubt, my life has been set up for me to accomplish some great things. Me and my sister joke about it all the time. She is my biggest inspiration. Even when she has her shittist day, I tell her.. you have to go through these things because you are destined to be great. And its not a cliche statement, I 100% believe that and she believes that in me. The universe wants us to be great but boy that doesn’t come without trial and tribulations. So when fucked up things happen to us, we are able to laugh about it to each other. It softens the blow for about 10 minutes.

I know what failure feels like. I was a Division 1 athlete, you don’t compete at that level and not know what it feels like to lose. Its never going to be rainbows and sunshine 365 days of the year. However, I did not know what failure felt like in powerlifting. Everything was going so easy for me. I was about to accomplish things in one year that it takes people their entire lifting career to achieve. I was so close to achieving that success that I poured everything into this meet prep.  After the meet my sister said to me, “you were different for this one” referring to my behavior and habits. She’s right, I cared way more for this meet than I have in the past. That was my downfall. People around me put me on this pedestal because they knew and respected my potential and I hopped on it. This was the first meet I had people really watching and anticipating the outcome. And theres nothing wrong with that but I started competing for numbers instead of competing to be better than I did in the previous meet.

After the meet, I was numb. I wasn’t mad, angry or upset. Just numb to the point that randomly throughout the day I would smile, shake my head, and laugh to myself at the thought. Like shit, did that really just happened. I stuck around after the meet even though I was done competing because I wasn’t there just for myself. I had people that I cared about competing and I know the work that they put into the meet and their personal goals so I wanted to be there and support them. Even though people would have “understood” if I left and went home.. I personally think it would’ve been disrespectful. The day wasn’t just about me. I really hope people took notice to that because moments of defeat shows who you are as a person. Its very easy to put on a smile when everything is going good.

The main thing I learned from the meet is that nothing is guaranteed. The work doesn’t stop and you have to see your vision through to the end. You can’t just show up and expect things to fall into place. I have a whole new level of respect for the platform and the people who compete.

I’m humbled.

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